“Apparently I’ve been on the Catholic shit list for quite a while.” ~Bill Maher

This will be the third time I start this entry.
I’m having trouble getting the thoughts onto paper, which is usually my problem with fiction, not fact.
I am, when provoked, easy to get on a rant. Seriously. Ask me what I think of Target, I dare you.

I just watched Religulous, that Bill Maher movie. I agree with him on many topics: one being that religion, the organized variety, tends to be a little over the top. But then, I believe in God and Jesus. I believe a lot of things he doesn’t. And I don’t think I’m crazy for it.
I have also read the 80% of the Bible and am working on the parts I skipped. And guess what, kids? I’m no fundamentalist. I’m not shoving it down anyone’s throat.
Because I tend to think that God and me got a good thing going, and that the Big Man Upstairs has the best sense of humor you can get. Also, I’m pretty sure people weren’t as smart back then.
Not really a judgment, just a fact. The smart guy in the room back in biblical times was the one that could read. I can attest, having spent time teaching at an alternative school and, you know, being in the world, that simple literacy does not make you the president of MENSA.
And even if the writers of the Bible were mental powerhouses, keep in mind that they had to explain all this to the uneducated masses. So…I’m fairly certain something was lost in the translation. Or rather, the interpretation.
I truly believe that if people put themselves in an objective mindset and read the Bible, they would get a downright kick out of it. Or, if not the entire Bible, you would find little holy moments in which life makes you chuckle. Example: I have heard from a few fundamentalists that God will come and destroy the world because of the wickedness of today. They say they heard from the Bible.
Apparently they missed the entire chapter about how God shone a rainbow down on Noah as a sign of their covenant that He’ll never be doing THAT again.

But that’s just little things that make me smile.
And I really do enjoy being right.

ANYHOO….
I watched this movie and I thought about religion, as I often do. I was raised Catholic, and went to Catholic school for 15 years. I taught Religious Ed for 7 years, and have two God Daughters. Also, my aunt was a Sister of Mercy…so was my mother at one time. Ergo, it was pretty much ingrained.
And that’s all pretty much why I’m not Catholic anymore, too.

That’s only sort of true…there’s other reasons.

I think it started when I realized women couldn’t be priests. I totally wanted to be a priest. I still kind of do. Well, you know…if Catholicism was in practice what it should be in my head. Anyway, I was totally unimpressed with being a nun. My aunt Ka seemed cool with it…sometimes. She was pretty progressive though. I just really wanted to say mass. I mean…think about it…the lights, the sets, the costumes…the nuns didn’t get to be part of the show. They were barely even crew; there were altar servers and Eucharistic Ministers for that. (Denis Leary was once on In the Actor’s Studio, and he said something about how he was an altar server waiting backstage…and the fact that he called it backstage should have been a sign. I totally subscribe to this.)
So I’m just accepting the no priest thing when they spring it on me that I’m eating reincarnated dead person flesh and drinking blood on Sundays. So now I’m a cannibalistic vampire whose substance is centuries old. GROSS. The Lutherans over at my friend Chelsea’s church don’t believe this nonsense…it’s a symbol to them. Same thing with the Baptists I go to youth group with. (Yes…I went to Baptist, Lutheran, and Born Again church groups, but only attended a single CYO meeting. It was totally lame.)
And speaking of Baptists, the church wouldn’t allow one to be my confirmation sponsor, even though we were supposed to pick the person that taught us the most about God. That added to my annoyance.
Then one day I went to church and the priest told me that gay people were going to hell. And I thought…gee…if there’s no drag show in heaven, that’s not a place I want to be.
Then they said the same about Muslims, and I thought well crap…Sahar ALREADY lives too far away.
Then a nun yelled at me and called me a sinner when I told her that I visited a medium. Yelled at me, right there in the dining room of the Convent, in the middle of dinner. (I thought Ka was gonna throw down…instead she told her to just shut it, which wasn’t very Christian, but made me proud.)
Finally, the concept that God will forgive us our sins if we ask for it. But to ask for forgiveness means to say that what you’ve done is wrong. And what about things I don’t think are wrong? I don’t think it’s wrong to swear. So I’m going to hell because when I ask forgiveness, it isn’t for that? And what about those friends that don’t think it’s wrong to be gay, or Muslim? There’s no hope there?
But isn’t God ABOUT hope?
So no. I didn’t buy it.

Then we got a new pope. And he was a Nazi. And no one seemed concerned about this. I mean, I get it…he was a Hitler Youth which isn’t exactly a Nazi and it probably involved a kind of peer pressure we know nothing of, but really. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.
But then he told me I’M going to hell because I read Harry Potter and that was just the end of it for me. I mean, it’s fine…I’ll be down there with Sahar, my favorite author and all the people who were in the movie (including Alan Rickman, who rocks my socks,) and a bunch of queers. Certainly my pot smoking friends will be coming as well, along with pretty much all theater people, and, lets face it, a family member or two. So if someone could just build a stage big enough, and stock the bar, we could have a swinging time. (In fact, that sounds a lot like my last party…sans Harry Potter.)

Then the pope came out with the 10 Commandments of Road Rage, and I knew we had a situation on our hands. That’s downright ridiculous. A couple days later he tried to overshadow that by disregarding Vatican II and adding the prayer for the conversion of the Jews back to the mass.

After that I stopped listening to anything coming out of the Vatican and went to Walmart to buy a copy of The DaVinci Code.

Most of my current religious belief is based on what may or may not be the ramblings of a complete psycho. But I figure, is it that much worse than basing it on the ramblings of some guys who’ve been dead for 2000 years or more?
There’s this book called The Expected One. The author may be a certifiable nut job. Or she may be the reincarnation of Mary Magdalene. Either way, I read the book…then I read pretty much everything else about Mary Magdalene I could get my hands on, and decided that yeah…that sounds about right.

You should know, I have read quite a bit about all kinds of religion. It’s my favorite topic, actually. I eat it up, be it Eastern, Western, or crazy-ass offshoots like Tom Cruise and the Galactic Invaders. (Which would be an excellent band name, BTW.)

I feel, and have always felt, that Jesus is my homeboy. It even says it on my Facebook, so you know I’m serious.
Me and God, as I said, got a good thing going. I have never doubted His existence, though I have had many an opportunity. Sure, I’ve been pissed at him. We’ve had some knock down drag out fights. But I know The Big Guy has got my back. I have formed my own faith around that. And if it all turns out to be a lie, cool. If, when we die, we just die, that’s ok. But while I’m here, I’ll stick with what I got, even if it is in my head.

Like I said at the top, I started this three times. First I tried writing about my quest for happiness. It’s a long quest, nearly 20 years in the making. I’m sure I’ll get to it, eventually. I also started writing about how I ‘m trying to make a decision to do something that might make me unpopular with other people. Instead I ended up writing about religion. Because I watched Bill Maher. And because, let’s face it, I like the topic of religion.
Unless you’re one of those people…you know who I mean. The folks that ask you to respect their beliefs but have no intention of returning the favor.
It’s those people I like to keep the rainbow story for.

So, I ended up on the topic of religion. And you know what happened? I found the answer to the unpopular decision. And I also got a little happy about it.

Funny how it works, eh?