“The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible.” ~Vladimir Nabakov

A. A beautiful expression of my love.
B. A way to express my natural creativity.
C. A mistake.

The answer, according to the spiderwebs of hot glue all over my paper cut fingers, is C.  (The others, too.  But mostly C.)

Now, while I go do battle with a can of spray paint, you can enjoy my favorite Christmas song.

Things that infuriate me: The criminalization of a people that don’t deserve it. Things that infuriate me further: when companies perpetuate that criminalization.
Today I went on Facebook and saw a link to a site entitled “25 Dumbest Comments On Lowe’s Facebook Page About “All-American Muslim.” Now, I’ve never watched the show. However, I live on a street that has many Muslim families, and my best friend is Muslim. And my view on Muslim culture comes from these people. And since none of them have ever tried to blow up my house, I’m going to go ahead and give them the benefit of the doubt like I would with anyone else. (Although the woman across the street did come over one day carrying a suspicious box…full of donuts. To apologize for taking up parking space during her father’s funeral. Because clearly, the goal of the terrorists is to send my family into a diabetic coma.**)
So apparently, Lowes pulled their commercial backing from the show because a Christian group got up in arms about the networks positive portrayal of Muslim culture. This resulted in a series of postings on their Facebook about it, which range from downright stupid to downright hateful. So I’m reading them. And I’m going to comment on their comments, but first…I’m not going to go so far as to liken the stereotypical view of the Muslim culture to the Holocaust, but…wait. Yes. That’s exactly what I’m going to do.

During the Holocaust, the general train of German thought was that Jews were bad. Simply because of their culture and religion. Now, time, as well as what can best be called trial and error, has led us to understand that the Holocaust was a bad thing. That judging people solely on their race (see also: Civil Rights Movement, 1955-1968) or on their beliefs (see also: McCarthyism, 1948-1956) or even genetics (see also: Human Rights Campaign, 1983-?) is morally wrong. And even those uber-Christians that like to pull out Bible references for everything cannot deny “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” Stop judging, people. It hasn’t worked out very well in the past, and aren’t we all supposed to learn from our mistakes? Or did we miss the day in Kindergarten where we learned the Golden Rule?

Now, below is the article.
Right HERE.

And here is my response to the comments made. Numbers of my responses correspond to the numbers of the comments.

1. America was founded as a place of religious freedom. That’s why were here. Sure, it was Puritanical freedom, but freedom none the less. Ergo, American values stand for freedom, not persecution.
2. If a Muslim comes to this country and applies for citizenship and is granted it, they are indeed an American. And their children, born in this country, are certainly “All American.” Ergo, there is indeed such a thing as an All American Muslim. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you are not a Native American, and that your ancestors also applied for citizenship. Therefore, you should know this.
3. You’re a douche. I’m trying really hard to not use a lot of swearing or insults on my blog, but seriously…you are a douche.
4. I find this more ignorant than offensive so I’m going to ignore it.
5. If were going to persecute an entire people based on some poor examples, then lets assume that all white males are serial killers, since they make up the largest percentage of people who commit such a crime. Also, calm yourself. Not every sentence needs an exclamation point.
6. See number 4, and add this: It’s not a Christmas present. It’s marketing.
7. Lowe’s is not standing up for Americans at all. Those people on that show are American. They aren’t standing up for them. And I’m sure they’ll appreciate your business, because they sure as hell lost mine.
8. I HATE that I agree with you, because you’re calling everyone gay. But you’re right. Even if your argument is ruined by a whole other kind of bigotry.
9. Yes. As do American Muslims.
10. I don’t have much to say to this except I’m very happy I went to Valu to buy chalkboard paint today.
11. I don’t, actually. And I’ve been an American since 1983.
12. Hush, you.
13. Oh, so now we’re “traditional” Americans? How many generations need to live here before one gets called “traditional?”
14. Did I miss the memo where Freedom of Religion ceased to be an American value? Let me check…yup, US Constitution, 12/15/1791, First Amendment. Apparently I am not on the mailing list for changes. Okeydoke.
15. That is true. It’s totally constitutional to be a shmuck.
16. Freedom of Speech, sure. Other Freedoms? Meh.
17. Text Message to Sahar: Would you consider the Muslim support of American freedoms to be some sort of sham? Response from Sahar: “I don’t speak on behalf of every Muslim, but I wholeheartedly believe in and support our freedoms as Americans. And that’s no sham.”
18. FYI, I don’t know about the rest of you, but when someone asks me where I’m from, I say Ireland. Even though I haven’t been there. And I’m not a citizen. But because I live in a melting pot where everyone comes from someplace else, and that’s where my people come from. I would appreciate it if more people thought about how they got here in the first place.
19. They TOTALLY laid down to fake religious oppressors…the difference is that it’s the kind of oppression you’re ok with.
20. I’m not going to try to read the rest of that because I’m not sure of the point you’re attempting to make.
21. Dear TLC, I do not support those gun shows you have. But since, according to my apparently outdated constitution, the Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, I’m not going to throw a hissy fit. Because that would be Un-American. Instead, I’ll exercise my Freedom of Choice, and watch Extreme Couponing instead.
22. Here ya go. http://www.ehow.com/how_4822037_write-grammatically-correct-sentence.html
23. Pretty sure that Muslims care. Pretty sure that the ACLU would care. Pretty sure I care. And I was on a bus. Next to a Muslim woman. Who was just as upset as everyone else.
24. But feel free to buckle to anyone without a high school education. Those are your meat and potatoes, apparently.
25. I wouldn’t go to Lowe’s if they were giving away free cars full of puppies. Just like I’ll never go to H&R block because they pulled advertising due to an uproar from the TLC (Trichotillomania Learning Center, not The Learning Channel.) And the crazy part about that is that I’m a SUPPORTER of the TLC. But I am not a supporter of people who can’t stand up for themselves.

Now, I know, I’m snarky. I don’t know these people from a hole in the wall, but I do know that despite what I am sure are other, wonderful qualities, the only thing they show to me is that they are loud mouth bigots. But that’s fine. You have every right, as an American Citizen, to be as such.
And I have every right to call you out on it.
I once wrote I wanted to be more like the Westboro Baptist Church. I hate those dudes and everything they stand for, but at least they have no problem standing out on the street with a sign and preaching their cause. I, too, would like to yell my beliefs as far and wide as I can, and if no one agrees, ok. I’m cool with that. They’re MY beliefs, and you don’t have to live by the rules I’ve set for myself. But for GOD’S SAKE, when are the people in this country going to attempt to make INFORMED decisions?!
Make sure you put your brain before your mouth, America.

**I feel I should note that my sarcasm is implied, in case it doesn’t quite transfer via text.

By the way, there seems to be alot of emphasis on the “Christ” part of the word “Christmas” in these posts…so if anyone could please explain to me what the apparent Muslim agenda of stealing Christmas is all about, that would be cool.

Today, there was this:

Dear Scared,
I don’t remember much good from high school anymore. There are fleeting moments, and the occasional inside joke, but they are nothing more than snapshots of memories. I don’t recall anything good from college, either. But, for me, the two things are not related, as they are for you.
I do, however, remember plenty of bad stuff. What’s crazy is that I’m pretty sure I had more good times than bad ones, but the bad ones were SO bad, they edge out the happy memories.
I, like you, had someone I needed to forgive. And for a very long time, I couldn’t do that. I pretended like I could. I told people I did. But deep down, I didn’t. I didn’t think I ever would. And because of that, I, too, started losing those happy memories and focusing on the bad ones. And I regret it, of course, because I don’t remember many happy times anymore. I wish I did. I wish I could call up all my friends from high school and have them tell me about the good times we had, because I KNOW there were great times. I just don’t remember them.
And I know that you’re afraid you won’t remember, and I cannot promise you that you will.
What I can tell you is that one day, quite unexpectedly, I found it in my heart to forgive that person. And despite losing a part of my past, my future has been beautiful ever since.
So maybe it doesn’t matter if you’re losing a memory, so long as you’re able to make a better one.
I wish you luck.
~Stagequeen

Today I read an article on gawker about how the Canadian National Post ran a full page ad today condemning Canada’s policy on equal rights education.

So…read this first.
(It should be noted that I don’t quite agree with everything that guy wrote, because he seems kind of whiny and judgmental, but I agree with the basic point.)

Truth is, I don’t know a whole lot about this, because even though I can see Canada from my roof, it doesn’t mean I’m brushed up on their educational policies (do you hear me, Sarah Palin? It’s not always location, location, location.)
I always had it in my head that the Canada was like our liberal cousin, what with the healthcare and the gay marriage and the fries covered in cheese and gravy. I’ll admit that I don’t know much more about it, outside of Niagara Falls and Clifton Hill. But I was definitely surprised that a national paper would run this ad.
I am a big supporter of gay rights, and I’ll tell you why. Ten years ago last Friday, the love of my high school life came out to me. Everyone told me he was gay, and looking back that was unbelievably clear considering that we met through a theater group and after my senior prom he walked around singing show tunes for an hour. Still, I was shocked. His coming out ended up being the straw that broke this camels back, and I ended up dropping out of school and going into therapy for a variety of reasons (not solely him, mind you.) But when this happened, I did what I always do in times of trouble. I researched the hell out of it.
After this, I realized that many people I knew were gay…after all, I worked in theater. This didn’t bother me because I knew what “gay” was when I was 9. When most people get a sex talk from their mother, my mother sat me down and explained that dad’s two best friends were homos. Also not surprising, as he worked in theater, too. Then a few years later I found out that my aunt was gay, and by this point it was like “so what?” I didn’t care who anyone loved. I loved some total losers in my lifetime, but no one ever said I was going to hell for it. I know that I wouldn’t be able to handle the idea of homosexuality as an adult had I not been exposed to it earlier in life. On that same thread, I would like to note that having been exposed to it when I was young did not, in fact, make me gay. And to tell the truth, I don’t think anyone would care if I was (except perhaps my boyfriend.) But that’s the world I grew up in, and not the world others have. So I understand the fear, or the confusion, and even the blind hatred of others. I don’t like it, and I don’t agree with it, but I understand it.
Now, this ad wasn’t just about the education policy about gays, it’s also about the transgendered. Essentially, they are trying to teach the kids that it’s ok if you are a boy who wants to be a girl. Which I think is delightful. And again, I will tell you why.
I have a friend who went to college a girl, and graduated a guy. I don’t know much about her personal struggle with gender identity, but I’m pretty sure it totally sucked, and she would have like a teacher explaining it to her.
My question is this. What do people think is the worst that will happen?
Clearly, gay does not beget gay, because it’s not like all the gay people in the world were born from gay parents. So the world is not going to come to a grinding halt because all us heteros are going to be wiped out. Also, there’s plenty of ways to make a baby that don’t involve intercourse, as evidenced by my cousin Grace, aka the best damn kid I know (apologies to all kids at work and my boyfriends children. But seriously. If you met her, you’d totally agree.) Also, it’s very clear that we define our sexuality early. If I knew in 3rd grade that the boy sitting across from me was cute, then that same boy probably knew the boy next to him was, as well. So every time I see people saying that this isn’t an issue for children, I scoff. Of course it is. We learn about relationships before we learn about anything else…our relationship with parents, their relationships with each other.
And what really bugs me about this ad is the line “I’m a girl, don’t teach me to question if I’m a boy.” Um, hello…no one is trying to do that. You’re a girl. You know that. You own it. You want to be it. Good for you. The point is that there are some girls out there that ALREADY KNOW they would rather be a boy. So why can’t you just take away the whole “love one another” part of the lesson and leave it at that?
I hope that the US teaches LGBTQ equal rights in the future. I think it would be beneficial, much in the way that I think it’s important to learn about the civil rights movement.
But then, I believe a person should be judged by their actions, not their genetics. And, unfortunately, it will probably always startle me how many people don’t think the same way.

The other night we had a staff meeting, which for some reason, really renewed my good feelings about working in child care. I may have long days and say I’m tired and sick of it all, but that’s never the truth. The truth is there simply isn’t anything else I would rather be doing. Today, for example, I woke up with a serious case of the grumpypants. I also feel like I’m getting a cold, and wasn’t really in the mood to go to work. But as soon as I got to school I felt better, because I remembered something my boss had said at the staff meeting. People who work in an office or retail or in a cube on a phone don’t get to come to work and immediately get a hug. If those people had someone hug them everyday, they would consider that odd. If no one hugged me all day, I would consider that odd. The other day I got 3 hugs before I got my coat off. Trust me, that makes the workday far more bearable.
And what about all the things I like that the “average adult” has outgrown? Cartoons. I love cartoons, and I can talk about them all the time. I get to show my favorite books off. I get to play dress up and play-doh. I get to do crafts and sing songs and dance around like an idiot. And, I GET PAID for this.
I’ve worked in child care for many years, but I really haven’t loved it like I do right now. Maybe it’s the kids, maybe it’s my coworkers, maybe it’s the fact that everyday I go in and try to be better than the day before. Sure, I still have those days when I don’t want to get out of bed, and those days where the clock seems broken and the minutes flow like molasses, but I don’t ever NOT want to do it. I find myself actually sad when I’m out sick, or I have the day off. I feel like I’m missing out on some new story or adventure…even though I always hear about it the next day.
My boyfriend has 4 kids, each of whom I adore for different reasons, none of which is simply because they are their fathers child…I see in them personalities that are varied and special. People often make a face when I say he has so many children (not necessarily a bad face, mind you; more of a “holy crap, really?!” kind of face.) I have never had a problem with it. Kids don’t scare me. I remember when I was looking for a job, and interviewers kept asking why I wanted to work in child care. My best response is that I “get” kids. I understand their needs, and their priorities. Yes, for reasons adults cannot fathom, stickers are more important than good hygiene. And I know how to use a sticker to get someone to learn to wash their hands.
There have always been children in my life, you see. My sister, Bernie, was born when I was 13. At that time, I was tutoring 1st graders in reading, and helping my mom teach 2nd graders religious education. Later, I started teaching my own religious ed class up until I was in my 20s. For years, I have babysat all my friend’s and family’s kids, and I also played a big part in my goddaughters first few years of life (not to mention the major role I’ve played in Bernie’s life for the past 15 years.) I worked at Baker Victory for a couple of years, with a variety of kids, and then at a day care, and now at another day care. And at each of these jobs I learned a lot more than I knew before them. And I’m still learning, everyday. Children have taught me more than any school or book have.
I don’t have any of my own, and am still not sure I want them. Perhaps one, someday. But until then, I am all set. I already have a ton of kids…I seem them everyday at work. I get to teach them the alphabet and wipe their noses and listen to their stories and kiss their boo boos. And I love every moment of it.
I know I’m a strange person sometimes. I would rather dance down a hallway than walk it, or have ice cream for breakfast instead of raisin bran. And perhaps that’s why kids are my passion…they would rather do that, also.
See, it’s not just that I “get” kids. I’m pretty sure they get me, too.

This is pretty much how we roll.

my parents didn’t get me hip hop barbie for my 8th birthday
a little girl that that ran away from home and she never came back
pushy bitch
what if your innocent and still in jail
i dare you to go to the bathroom and remove your bra stories
is it ok to brush your teeth on a first date?
alternative to hoochymail.com
it’s harder to remember the faces you love
being called frigid brigid
does christina aguilera have trichotillomania
in my sleep, my boyfriend was running away from god, what does that mean?
happiest girl tooth
brush yo teeth foo’
whos who went to hell & came back 2011
harry potter and the long ass camping trip
reincarnation of mary Magdalene
depression clown
it’s been sometime since we last spoke this is gonna sound like a bad joke but jacob i fell in love again
kick rocks with open toe shoes bitch

And as always, I pick my favorite stat, do a google image search with it, and post what I find…except only 3 pictures came up and they weren’t *quite* applicable. So I found something more appropriate.

Best Stat: " "comments from the booth" dating a guy with four kids? get higher standards."

Now, when I first saw that stat, I giggled. Seriously. I did not find it to be sad, in a “oh but I loovveeee him” kind of way or even in a “why would someone say that about me” sort of way. And I wasn’t angry, because who ever did write it clearly doesn’t know me from a doorknob, so I don’t particularly care what they think. Nor did it cause some sort of sudden and intense realization that perhaps I DO have low standards and thank GOD someone told me before it was too late!!!
No. None of that.
I just giggled.
I giggled because my first reaction was “what a stupid way to try to insult me.” Really. Get some balls and leave a comment, dude. Why would you take the time to type that into a search engine and click on my page to secretly insult me in my statistics? You have too much time on your hands…and that’s coming from someone who checks her stats on a weekly basis.
After that though, I did feel a little bad. I lay in bed and thought “gee…I would have thought that myself. I would have heard about someone dating someone with a whole slew of kids and thought the exact same thing.” The difference being, that was then and this is now. Now, I know that Mark has four kids, and I’m cool with it. They’re four really awesome kids. And none of that circumstantial stuff really bothers me, because if I walked away from the greatest thing that’s happened to me in recent years because of it, I would regret it, and feel like an idiot. And I WOULD be an idiot. Why would I give up my past and future happiness just because of that? Everyone’s got baggage from past relationships, whether it’s good or bad…everyone is bringing something to the table. Mark’s might be a lot, but it doesn’t take away from how well he treats me or how happy he makes me feel. And at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what ANYONE thinks about our relationship, especially not some idiot on the internet, because they are not IN our relationship.
Then I got mad at myself for feeling I have to justify things.
Which brings me to another topic, sort of.

Why do we feel we need to justify things? Lately I’ve seen this alot. In myself, mostly, but others too. The first time being in late May. See, I quit my theater. For many reasons, none of which I really intend to write about in here because I don’t believe in it. But after I quit, I received an email presuming that I only quit because of money. Of course, I wanted to write back and list every single thing that made me quit, every miniscule little detail, every huge friggin problem that led to my abrupt departure, just so that the record was straight that NO, money was not the reason. Because it wasn’t. (The catalyst, perhaps. Not the reason.) All I wanted to do was justify my decision.
But then I calmed down a little, reminded myself that adults who throw temper tantrums piss me right the hell off, and simply wrote back that money was not the reason, and perhaps it could be discussed in the future. When cooler heads are prevailing.
Because I don’t need to justify myself.

But sometimes you really think you need to. For instance, in the case of gossip.
I went to an all-girl’s school. If it taught me nothing else, it taught me about gossip. I am a pro at gossip. I am the queen of gossip. I have gossiped to and been gossiped of and I know that while it can be so destructive and hurtful, it’s not going anywhere. We aren’t all suddenly going to stop doing it. So I do not think of myself as better than anyone because of it. I think everyone gossips….absolutely everyone. So do not throw your gossip stone through my glass house.
When I was younger, I had gossip about everyone. And I had no problem sharing it. That, of course, came back to bite me on the ass. Karma is a bitch.
So then, instead of the gossiper, I became the gossipee. Things look a lot different from that side of things. Especially when the gossip has no truth to it. As most gossip does not…though we always seem to forget that in the moment.
But this isn’t about gossip, it’s about justification. And while people were gossiping about me, all I wanted to do was stand up on a soapbox and scream out the truth. I wanted to tell them NO, you’re WRONG. THIS is what really happened.
For a long time I couldn’t let that go. But then life catches up to you, and you realize that the people who turn deaf ears to the truth are the people who are running from their own fears…the people who are glad that the microscope is on someone but themselves.
It’s sad. It’s sad when someone would rather criminalize you than admit they made a mistake. But that’s not for you to justify…that’s theirs. That’s for them. They get to live with knowing they’re a liar. You get to live with knowing that you’re better than that.
Some actions need justification…when you hurt someone, when you’re mean, when you make someone cry. But when you live your life the way you want without stepping on anyone in the process, you need no justifications.
If you’re brave, and forgiving, and willing to overlook the shortcomings of others, then you’re way ahead of the game.

Of course, all I’ve got here are titles. Not much to support them. I assume this is writer’s block, but the only writer’s block I’ve encountered is the kind where I am staring desperately at a blank screen willing my fingers to type something, anything, for the love of god, a complete sentence!! I’ve never had the type where I haven’t even opened MS Office in a month because I simply have not had time. (Which is odd, since I recently got rid of my most time consuming activity…the tale of which lies behind one of those titles and will perhaps be expounded upon at a later date. Or not.)
But life at the moment mainly consists of work, Mark, friends and family. Which is nice.
Yet, still busy.
I have come to the conclusion that it really doesn’t matter how much you have going on, you will never have all the time you need. Just like how no one ever has all the money they need. We can have jam-packed schedules and think about how great it would be to have nothing going on all day, but I assure you, once nothings going on, there will still not be enough hours in the day to do all the nothing you want.
Ergo, there will never be enough hours in the day to do all the blogging I want.

So for now, I will attempt to blog sporadically about whatever I can, so as to try to get back into the swing of things. At the moment, I am watching Gracie dance around the living room while Barb plays guitar, which is oddly soothing…probably because it reminds me of when I was little, and mom would play guitar for me. Grace is even trying to put the pick inside the guitar like I used to.

Hmm. I wonder if things are the same for children. Does she wander around thinking “Gee, I just don’t have enough time in my day to watch The Wiggles AND play with my Fisher Price zoo collection!”

Yeah. Clearly, I’m out of ideas here.